


a little unsteady

by natromanoffs



Category: The Resident (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29385009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natromanoffs/pseuds/natromanoffs
Summary: set during 4x05.Mina and AJ share another quiet moment in a washed out room.
Relationships: AJ Austin/Mina Okafor
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	a little unsteady

The two of them are in an empty room. The medical devices are all wrapped in plastic. AJ’s leaning against the wall, and Mina’s sitting on a chair in the center of the room, head in her hands.

A few rooms over, Nic’s body is laying under hospital sheets. She’s hooked up to machines. She may never be herself again.

Mina thinks about her sisters. She thinks about losing them, about the fire, about the fact that it was all her fault. She thinks about how for the longest time she had no family, about how she can barely even speak to her mother. 

All she has here -- this makeshift family at Chastain: Devon, Conrad, Irving, Jessica, Kit, AJ, hell, even Bell -- she owes to Nic.

When Mina first showed up at Chastain, she was ice-cold. She was stoic and emotionless, here for the job and nothing else. She was rude and condescending and straight-up mean most of the time. But Nic had cared about her anyway. Nic had become her friend, even though Mina had resisted all of Nic’s efforts as best she could. Mina had been an ice-cold piece of a machine when she first showed up to Chastain, but somehow Nic had got through, had thawed her out just a bit.

“If Nic…” Mina can’t say the words. “I don’t think I can do this.”

The room they’re in is almost entirely empty, now. Only a few plastic-wrapped machines haven’t been transferred to another hospital yet. It’s late, and the fluorescent lights are dim. This room -- the whole hospital, really -- is mainly shades of grey and white. It’s all bathed in the fluorescent lights that wash everything out, making everything seem more lifeless. Mina’s never been bothered by it before, the impersonalness of hospitals. Now, though, with something so personal taking place here, everything about the room is jarring. The impersonality of the hospital seems to reflect Nic’s near-lifeless state. The lights feel like a targeted attack, the dull colors are a sting in the wound. 

She looks over at AJ. He’s still leaned against the wall, almost as if it’s holding him up, almost as if he’s not strong enough right now to stand on his own. She gets it -- she’s only sitting right now because she thinks her knees are far too shaky to hold her up. 

“You can,” AJ says, softly but resolutely. “You _can_ do this.”

He’s right, probably. She lost her sisters, has had that hanging over her head for years. But it’s not been easy, no, it’s been haunting. As much as she’s tried to compartmentalize it, she can’t. She still wakes up heaving from flame-filled nightmares, still gets nauseous most nights. The grief is a thread running through her life. She’s gone on, she’s found joy in life sometimes, somehow, in spite of the heaviness that’s always weighing her down, but. The pain never leaves, not fully, it always hangs around her, always tugging at her heart. 

“I don’t know if I want to,” she says. She tries to keep the crack out of her voice. She fails miserably.

She thinks about Nic. Nic had had a miscarriage, years ago, something she only divulged to Mina in secret. Mina had stroked Nic’s hair while she cried herself through it for months. And Nic had lost her mother, years and years ago. And Nic had lost her sister, too. It was a terrible thing that tied Mina and Nic together even tighter. Despite all of that loss, Nic had kept going, and she hadn’t turned mechanical and cold like Mina had.

Maybe, Mina thinks, Nic would want her to go on. Maybe if Nic was here she’d tell Mina to keep on living no matter what happened to her.

But is that enough? 

She thinks about the guilt. It’s thrumming inside her now, like a bird’s caught in her ribcage, she can feel it fluttering around. If she hadn’t gotten physical with that man, Nic would never have had to step in — it’s all her _fault_ , god, how is she supposed to carry this?

She thinks about AJ, too, how he only agreed to come to Boston with her after all of this happened, after he could tell she _needed_ him to come with her. She finds herself wondering if that’s something they’ll argue about 10 years forward (when they get 100% real-married, no greencard-bullshit about it). She wonders if he’ll bring it up in some argument, how he only moved to Boston because she’d needed him to. She wonders if he’ll resent her for that. 

She looks over at him. He’s already looking at her, those warm, dark eyes fixed on her face before she even looks up. No, she thinks, he won’t spend his whole life resenting her. Not for this, anyway. 

Oh, there’s something about the way he looks at her. That look in his eyes -- well, it’s love, there’s no denying that.

Micah used to look at her that way, too. It was fine, a lot of the time. Even nice, on occasion. But, sometimes, it was uncomfortable, it would make her skin itch.

It’s never like that with AJ. It’s just good. It’s just warm. He looks at her and she feels held. He looks at her and she’s anchored, she’s sturdied.

He gets up and walks towards her. Pulls her against him so that her head rests right above his stomach, right where his ribs meet. She feels a tear or two escape her then. She takes a deep breath, or more of a sigh, and says:

“Okay.”

This isn’t an agreement that she’ll keep going on no matter what happens to Nic. She can’t promise that. But she can try going on for right now. 

“Ready?” he asks.

The thought of going back to sitting beside Nic’s room is terrible. The waiting is exhausting, and seeing Nic like that is heartbreaking. 

No, Mina’s not sure she’ll be able to keep going if she loses Nic.

But right now, there’s still a chance. Maybe Nic _will_ make it through. There’s a tiny piece of hope at least. It’s small, it’s unsteady, but it’s _something_. 

So she stands up. With AJ beside her, her knees are a little more secure, at least. She and AJ sigh at the exact same time. God, Mina does _not_ believe in soulmates, but sometimes how in tune AJ gets with her makes her doubt all of her previously fixed beliefs.

He turns and kisses her softly on the cheek.

It’s not enough. 

She takes hold of his face, presses her lips to his, kisses him desperately. As if kissing him deep enough can somehow help fix this terrible situation.

It’s not enough.

He takes her hand, squeezes it. (Oh, when did she become this person? When did she become so mushy?)

She squeezes back. They breathe. They let go of each other’s hands. And they head back to Nic, walking side by side, steps and breaths perfectly in sync.

**Author's Note:**

> to be honest this fic is all over the place and i'm not happy with it but! i had a LOOTTTT of feelings about them in this episode and i had to get something out so


End file.
